How to retire at 12
By Gregory Bone
Introduction:
My name is Gregory Oswald Bone. That’s right, my parents gave me Oswald as a second name and the initials GOB. I mean, come on, Bone is bad enough without chucking a weird middle name in as well. It’s like they wanted me to be picked on. They said Oswald was a ‘family name’ but I don’t remember anyone else in the family with it!
Mum, Dad and my sister don’t have ‘family names’. Dad doesn’t have a middle name at all; he’s just plain Dan Bone. Mum is Kate Jane Bone, though she used to be a Daniels which was way better. I don’t know why she changed it. My sister’s name is Chelsea Taylor Bone or Swotty Suck Up for short. Haha – jokes.
This book’s not really about my family but because I have been forced to live with them, it’s probably good to know who they are. Here’s a quick run-down.
Dad’s okay in small doses, unfortunately you don’t get that. He works from home so he’s always around. He’s a freelance graphic designer which sounds way cooler than it is. He doesn’t draw anything awesome like monkeys with rockets, just biscuit packets, company logos and advertising or marketing stuff. He gets stupidly excited about typefaces which all look the same to me. He also thinks he’s really funny. He’s wrong. But, as a dad, he’s not so bad. He’s not grumpy or mean and sometimes takes my side against mum or my sister. Although he’d never say it, I’m sure he thinks my sister is as weird as I do.
Mum is really different from dad. She’s got a full on job, something to do with finance or planning, anyway she’s high up in the company which means she works long hours and is away a lot. She’s really smart, too smart if you ask me. It’s hard to fool mum and she’s scary when she gets mad (which is quite often when it comes to me). She’s probably pretty but you can’t say that about your mum. She dresses well and dad is always muttering about how much her clothes cost, though not when mum can hear because she earns way more than he does. She’s alright, for a girl.
My sister sucks. She’s fourteen and is super annoying. She thinks she’s better than me because she does well at school and has a lot of friends. Most of them are stink as well. She’s really sneaky and a suck up. She keeps her room tidy and doesn’t seem to get into any trouble, not while mum and dad are looking anyway. Just thinking about her makes me mad. I don’t want to talk about her any more.
Back to me. I’m ten years old and I’m planning to retire in two years’ time. I’ll admit there are a few obstacles in my way, such as only having $17.38 in my bank account, but I should be able to do it. I’ve written this awesome book so other kids can follow my lead and do the same thing. Having a best-selling book is also number seven on my list of ways to get rich, so if you’re reading this then – yay, it’s working!
By Gregory Bone
Introduction:
My name is Gregory Oswald Bone. That’s right, my parents gave me Oswald as a second name and the initials GOB. I mean, come on, Bone is bad enough without chucking a weird middle name in as well. It’s like they wanted me to be picked on. They said Oswald was a ‘family name’ but I don’t remember anyone else in the family with it!
Mum, Dad and my sister don’t have ‘family names’. Dad doesn’t have a middle name at all; he’s just plain Dan Bone. Mum is Kate Jane Bone, though she used to be a Daniels which was way better. I don’t know why she changed it. My sister’s name is Chelsea Taylor Bone or Swotty Suck Up for short. Haha – jokes.
This book’s not really about my family but because I have been forced to live with them, it’s probably good to know who they are. Here’s a quick run-down.
Dad’s okay in small doses, unfortunately you don’t get that. He works from home so he’s always around. He’s a freelance graphic designer which sounds way cooler than it is. He doesn’t draw anything awesome like monkeys with rockets, just biscuit packets, company logos and advertising or marketing stuff. He gets stupidly excited about typefaces which all look the same to me. He also thinks he’s really funny. He’s wrong. But, as a dad, he’s not so bad. He’s not grumpy or mean and sometimes takes my side against mum or my sister. Although he’d never say it, I’m sure he thinks my sister is as weird as I do.
Mum is really different from dad. She’s got a full on job, something to do with finance or planning, anyway she’s high up in the company which means she works long hours and is away a lot. She’s really smart, too smart if you ask me. It’s hard to fool mum and she’s scary when she gets mad (which is quite often when it comes to me). She’s probably pretty but you can’t say that about your mum. She dresses well and dad is always muttering about how much her clothes cost, though not when mum can hear because she earns way more than he does. She’s alright, for a girl.
My sister sucks. She’s fourteen and is super annoying. She thinks she’s better than me because she does well at school and has a lot of friends. Most of them are stink as well. She’s really sneaky and a suck up. She keeps her room tidy and doesn’t seem to get into any trouble, not while mum and dad are looking anyway. Just thinking about her makes me mad. I don’t want to talk about her any more.
Back to me. I’m ten years old and I’m planning to retire in two years’ time. I’ll admit there are a few obstacles in my way, such as only having $17.38 in my bank account, but I should be able to do it. I’ve written this awesome book so other kids can follow my lead and do the same thing. Having a best-selling book is also number seven on my list of ways to get rich, so if you’re reading this then – yay, it’s working!